Why ?

Since the last time I went to Ireland, I was always hoping to go there. I mean, study, work etc. Now, my mom is asking me to go there to study, work etc.

But why ? Why don't I feel happy ? I feel kinda depressed instead. I thought I was going to be very happy but no, I don't.

What can I do man. Go or don't go ? But that depends on my mom. She wants me to go, I must go. She wants me to stay, I must stay.

Now, if she suddenly said that I can't go, I will be really sad. But if she allows me to go. I have a feeling like not willing to leave here =/

Really bad. I hate this feeling.